Went to the barbers today and had a no. 2. At first it just seemed like a fart but I ended up following through.
Why do butterflies always get blamed for hurricanes? I personally think it’s all these fidget spinners.
An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub. We didn’t invite the Welshman because he’s a c*nt.
Decided to wear a Covid mask for protection but now I have to go to hospital with 3rd degree burns on my legs. Turns out you have to take the mask off if you drink coffee.
Just had a really big scare while walking home. Thought I saw a dead baby ghost in the middle of the road but turns out it was just a handkerchief.
Just discovered a great way to save time in the morning. I now eat breakfast before I go to bed.