Just started a new job at a can recycling factory.
It’s soda pressing.
Yo mama is so ugly the only time she gets love is when she plays tennis.
Fed up of airport security. Just got stopped for carrying a bottle of water but a guy with a long beard and Turban went through straight away.
The following conversation took place in Vienna, Austria 200 years ago on this very day.
Mozart’s Friend: Wolfgang Mozart!! Mozart: What?
They were then both eaten by a gang of wolves. RIP Mozart.
When I was a child my parents used to wrap me up in cotton wool… which is why I was taken away by social services.
Why are scousers similar to batman? Because Robin helps them to survive.