What animal has sharp teeth and 5 legs?
A pit bull in a playground.
I’ve started my new job as a settee salesman today…
Sofa so good.
My son saw me in the shower the other day and said “what’s that hairy thing in between your legs?”. I replied “That’s the back of your sister’s head”.
My Chinese friend recently told me he smuggles large amounts of cheap alcohol from China. Apparently it’s a ‘whiskey’ business.
Why do new born babies never get any birthday cake?
I almost died today because of my stupid doctor. He told me I should get off the bus 1 stop early to get some exercise. I ended up walking 50 miles after catching the Megabus.