1. Cut straps with scissors, be careful as scissors can be sharp.
2. Never make comments about her nipples being weird.
3. If you’re in a supermarket make sure she isn’t carrying any glass bottles.
Husband: Hello, who is this? How the hell do I know I’m not a weather man! *slams phone down*
Wife: Who was that honey?
Husband: Just some guy asking if the coast was clear tonight.
Someone crashed my car earlier today. I found a note on the windshield that said:
“Sorry, I reversed into your car. Loads of people saw me do it so I decided to leave you this note. They think I’m leaving you my name and address but I’m not. Good luck with the repairs.”