A Children’s Charity knocked on my door earlier today asking for a donation to help them build a swimming pool so I gave them a bucket of water.
Can’t believe my website which teaches children how to play guitar has now been blocked by Google and removed from the search results to prevent child abuse… On reflection maybe naming my website fingeringkids.com was a bad idea.
Boss: What’s your biggest weakness? Me: Honesty. Boss: I don’t consider that a weakness. Me: I don’t give a f*ck what you think.
I used to have a relationship with a blind girl which was rewarding but really challenging. It took me ages to learn how to copy her husband’s voice.
Q. Why do Jews hate German food?
A. It gives them gas!
The following conversation happened after calling the police.
Police: What’s your emergency? Me: Two girls are fighting over me. Police: OK and what’s the problem? Me: The fat one is winning!