Can’t believe how quickly the batteries keep running out on my smoke alarm. Really need to get my wife some cooking lessons this Christmas.
Q. Why is life like sex? A. Because you get out what you put in.
Is your dad a lumberjack because you give me wood.
What sickness does a martial artist get? Kung flu.
Q. What’s the most intelligent thing to come out of a woman’s mouth? A. Einstein’s c*ck.
I’ve never had any luck with women. When I was a child my mum never breastfed me, she always had a headache.