Q. Why do women have small feet? A. So it’s easier for them to stand next to the kitchen sink.
Just lost 15 lbs on a new diet, it’s called ‘The Flu’.
Just broke up with my Chinese girlfriend. Watching someone squint while they’re giving you a BJ is really off putting.
Omg I think I might have died and gone to hell. Oh wait.. It OK, I’m just at work.
The following conversation took place at the doctors.
Farmer: Doctor, whenever I harvest my corn I get a really bad headache. Doctor: It’s a migraine. Farmer: No it’s not it’s mine.. and why the f*ck are you speaking with an Italian accent?
The following conversation took place between a father and son:
Son: Dad why do people use condoms? Dad: They do it so they can avoid annoying questions like this!!