Did you hear about the gypsy who won the lottery? They paid him with travelers cheques.
Last week I saved a girl from being attacked… I changed my mind.
Got some extra sensitive toothpaste the other day. It gets really jealous if I use other toothpastes.
My granddad used to be in the army until he ate all the rations. He was shot for desserting.
Really hate auto-correct.
The other day I sent my friend a text message saying “Do you want to wank with me along the river?”
Really embarrassing… I meant to say ‘canal’.
Organised a 3-some last night.
There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a good time.