Just had a water fight at the local park with a bunch kids and won!!
Nobody is a match for me and my kettle.
How to make a tofu breakfast.
Step 1. Throw tofu into the trash. Step 2. Get some bacon.
Why did God give men penises? So they’d have at least one way to shut up a woman!
Can’t believe how quickly the batteries keep running out on my smoke alarm. Really need to get my wife some cooking lessons this Christmas.
Q. Why is life like sex? A. Because you get out what you put in.
Is your dad a lumberjack because you give me wood.