Last week I saved a girl from being attacked… I changed my mind.
My granddad used to be in the army until he ate all the rations. He was shot for desserting.
Got some extra sensitive toothpaste the other day. It gets really jealous if I use other toothpastes.
How do you starve a black person?
Hide their welfare check under their work boots.
Really hate auto-correct.
The other day I sent my friend a text message saying “Do you want to wank with me along the river?”
Really embarrassing… I meant to say ‘canal’.
Organised a 3-some last night.
There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a good time.