Got some condoms earlier today from the self checkout machine at the supermarket and it said “Unexpected item in the checkout area”… cheeky b*stard.
Wow you’re so hot I’m gonna put you on my bucket list of things to do.
My wife decided to bleach her facial hair the other day. I’m not sure the blond goatee beard makes her look any better.
If good things come to those who wait then is being put into prison really a punishment?
Two flies on a piece of dog shit. One of them farts, the other says, “Do you mind, I’m having my dinner”.
I used to make a lot of money in houses but then the police tracked me down and confiscated my printing press.