Shout out to the hotel maids who have to change bedsheets on February 15th.
Q. What does a gypsy get for his birthday? A. Your iPhone
Since my wife left me I’ve been left with a really big gap to fill.. She was quite fat and we had a memory foam mattress.
My girlfriend told me she wanted to be treated like a princess so I got her a broom and arranged for her to do some cleaning at her ugly step-sister’s house.
Our new puppy’s been rolling around in its own shit.
That’s what I’m telling the wife anyway. Easier to explain than the fact that I ran out of toilet paper.
If two vegans have an argument is it still called a beef… or is it a quornfrontation?