Q. What does a gypsy get for his birthday? A. Your iPhone
Shout out to the hotel maids who have to change bedsheets on February 15th.
My girlfriend told me she wanted to be treated like a princess so I got her a broom and arranged for her to do some cleaning at her ugly step-sister’s house.
Our new puppy’s been rolling around in its own shit.
That’s what I’m telling the wife anyway. Easier to explain than the fact that I ran out of toilet paper.
Since my wife left me I’ve been left with a really big gap to fill.. She was quite fat and we had a memory foam mattress.
Nothing ruins a great Friday more than realizing it’s actually Wednesday.