Yo mama is like home depot, 5 cents a screw.
When I was a child my mother had an affair with a demolition man, he was a real home-wrecker.
Got myself a Greek advent calendar today. Behind every door there’s a note saying “IOU chocolate”.
Whoever discovered honey was a genius. He must have looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: “I bet those b*stards are hiding something delicious in there!”.
The following conversation took place between me and my wife
Me: What’s that smell? Wife: I can’t smell anything. Me: Neither can I, get that f*cking cooker on.
I used to love posh spice when I was younger. My parents ended up spending a fortune every week on saffron.