I made a chicken salad today. Cheeky b*stard didn’t even eat it.
Think my wife might be cheating on me. Every time I put the key in the lock to get in my house the parrot shouts “Quick out the window, quick out the window”.
I bet if Aquaman and Jesus had a fight, Jesus would walk all over him.
If one of my jokes offends you
1. I’m sorry 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 and 2 are lies. 4. You’re a pussy.
What do women and glasses have in common? You usually have to spend about $100 to get them on your face.
Who’s the coolest person in a hospital? The ultra sound guy.