Me and my wife tried to adopt a baby last week but unfortunately the supermarket security guards saw us on CCTV and we were arrested.
Started a whiskey diet on Monday…I’ve lost 3 days already.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it’s goes really quickly if you’re fat.
My wife – Beautiful, kindhearted, great sense of humor… at least one of those things would have been nice.
Doctors can have a cruel sense of humor sometimes. Went to see the doctor about my hair becoming thin and he told me I have HIV… Hair Is Vanishing.
The North Korean leader Kim Jong Un recently announced he’s gonna be giving out a prize for the best film that’s made about him. The prize is 15 years.