Started a whiskey diet on Monday…I’ve lost 3 days already.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it’s goes really quickly if you’re fat.
My wife – Beautiful, kindhearted, great sense of humor… at least one of those things would have been nice.
Just made a voodoo doll of my dog so now I can rub its belly while I’m at work.
Are orphans allowed to watch PG movies?
Q. What’s the worst thing about being lonely? A. Playing frisbee.