I bet if Aquaman and Jesus had a fight, Jesus would walk all over him.
My ex-girlfriend used to have a pet parrot. The thing would never f*cking shut up.. the parrot was cool though.
What’s blue an f*cks old women? ………. Hypothermia!
Have you heard about that new social media platform for people with bowel problems?
It’s called Shitter.
Went to a barbershop today for a shave. The barber wanted me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth to get a closer shave around my cheeks.
I said: “What if I swallow the ball?” He said: “No problem, just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else.”
My autistic brother recently got arrested after his first day at work as a taxi driver. I should never have told him to “knock em dead”.