Just quit my job at the cemetery … It was a dead-end job.
My new German girlfriend had decided to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night she kept shouting 9!
Q. Why doesn’t Santa have any kids? A. Because he always wraps his package
What is the world coming to? Heard on the radio today that scientists have discovered dolphins enjoy having sex. Scientists should stop shagging animals and treat them with more respect.
When I die, I’d like the word ‘Humble’ to be written in diamonds on my 20ft statue made from solid gold.
My girlfriend doesn’t like me using the ‘c’ word which is fair enough, I should probably learn to use her mothers real name.