My wife was really angry with me today.
I put a stick in a non-stick frying pan.
Top 5 worst things to say to airport security.
1. This pat-down is really turning me on.
2. I have a sword in my pants.
3. Would you like to buy some cocaine? I can give you a special deal.
4. Why don’t you get a real job you fat f*ck?
5. Can you hurry up please? My bomb is due to explode in about 30 minutes!