Just bought my wife a desk-lamp for Christmas.
Her face is really gonna light up when she sees it.
I lost 3 kilos over the weekend. Think I’m gonna go into hiding for a while just in case my boss sends a hit-man after me.
Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and some stink!
What’s the difference between a Jew and an onion.
You cry when you chop up an onion.
My kids cried when I put ginger in their curry tonight. They loved that little kitten.
My wife is never satisfied. Yesterday she complained that I never make bed in breakfast. Today she’s complaining because I put our bed in the kitchen.