Can’t believe I wasn’t allowed to emigrate to Australia because of my criminal record. You’d think they’d be more understanding given the history.
The best thing about having a prostitute die on you is that you get to have the 2nd hour for free
In order to help poor people supermarkets have now agreed to give away free turkeys. To qualify you need to be able to run faster than the security guards.
Yo mama is so fat, if she wears a yellow shirt and goes on a trampoline people think she is the sun.
Man: “After seeing you tonight I don’t need to drink anymore!” Woman: “Why?” Man: “Because your beauty intoxicates me!”
I woke up bald this morning.
I think my wife misunderstood me when I told her to shave her twat.