Apparently the female spider devours the male minutes after mating. It takes female humans years to do that.
I hate this hot weather, I have to keep my windows closed because all my neighbour’s kids do is scream. I’m seriously considering giving them back.
Q. Why did Bill Gates produce a smelly fart in the Apple store? A. Because they didn’t have Windows.
Crimewatch have released their first book, it has the 50 most wanted criminals in Britain in it.
It’s called “50 shades of black”
The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.
Wife: Would you still love me if I became fat and lost my looks. Husband: What do you mean “if”?
Ladies please be careful when drinking tea. I found out last night that tea is more dangerous than alcohol. I came home at 4am after having 12 pints of beer and my wife who stayed at home drinking tea was really angry and violent.