Q: What has three balls and comes from outer space? A: E.T. the extra testicle.
Had a really intense acid trip the other day. For 2 hours all I could see were beams of white light and all I could hear were car horns and people shouting.
How do you know when you’re really in love? You don’t have to hold your farts in anymore.
If you have sex with a prostitute without permission is it raype or shoplifting?
I always sleep naked.. It’s a lot more comfortable. The stewardess on my flight can f*ck off if she thinks I’m putting my clothes back on.
How come everyone loves it when when a magician makes stuff disappear but when an airline pilot does it everyone freaks out?