God wasted a good asshole when he put teeth in your mouth.
The following conversation took place in a job interview.
Interviewer: We’re looking for someone who is responsible, do you fit that criteria? Me: Well in my last job when the store caught fire my boss said that I was responsible.
The following conversation took place between a mother and daughter.
Daughter: “Mum, am I ugly?” Mum: “I told you not to call me mum in public.”
Feminism, the belief that both sexes are equal but men need to be controlled because they’re not equal.
My house cleaner is really starting to become annoying. She keeps asking me to move out and says she wants a divorce.
Just been arrested at the airport. Apparently “How many do you need?” is a bad response to the question “Do you have any firearms?”