I tried phone sex last night but the holes where too small.
Women love a man brimming with confidence. Because, without that, what’s left to destroy?
Punched a doctor this morning after I misheard.
Apparently he told my wife she had ‘acute angina’.
Just seen a man at the beach shouting “Help, shark! Help!”. What an idiot, how can a shark help a human?
There’s only 3 things I hate about my job. 1. Waking up. 2. The people 3. Working
Feeling quite depressed. Gave my friend $10’000 for plastic surgery but now I don’t know what he looks like.