Rescue cats are rubbish. My grandma fell down the stairs the other day and the cat did f*ck all.
Get some salad and stab it twenty three times.
Have you heard about this new thing you can have that transfers the thoughts and memories of one person to another person. It’s called a CONVERSATION.
Drove my car into a fat woman today. I was gonna drive around her but I didn’t have enough gas.
Just got fired from my job recently for concentrating too much. I work at an orange juice factory!
Yo mama is so stupid that she went to the dentist to fix the Bluetooth on her iPhone.