Hired a landscape gardener but he’s said he’s unable to help me because my garden is portrait.
I finally got my own back for Christmas shopping: I took my girlfriend into eight different pubs without getting a drink and then went back into the first one and bought a pint.
What do you call a prostitute with a fake tan?
An Orange pay as you go!
What’s the difference between a wife and a job? A job still sucks after 10 years.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Zookeeper who gave Viagra to a dangerous crocodile? He read somewhere that it’s good for treating reptile dysfunction.
When you’re a midget shorts don’t exist, only trousers and super long legged trousers.