Three Rules of Marriage to avoid disaster. 1. Never come home at 4am and ask for breakfast. 2. Never leave the toilet seat up. 3. Wife is never wrong.
While your girlfriend is asleep stick a nicotine patch on her arm and then take it off before she wakes up.
That way if you ever break up she’ll get withdrawal symptoms, think she’s in love and want you back.
After having a wife for 10 years I finally understand why the word gay also means happy.
Do you know what makes me smile? Facial muscles.
Last night I spent the entire evening watching Jaws 3. My wife, her mother and her sister all came over and were talking all night.
Cant believe how cheeky my son is. I bought him a bb gun for christmas and he got me a sweatshirt with a bullseye on the back.