Went on a date last night which was a total disaster. The girl told he over the phone she was expecting a baby, so I went to the pub wearing nothing but a nappy, felt like a right f*cking idiot!
What do you call an expert fisherman? A Master Baiter.
Q. What do you call a muscular Arab Price? A. Protein Sheikh
While your girlfriend is asleep stick a nicotine patch on her arm and then take it off before she wakes up.
That way if you ever break up she’ll get withdrawal symptoms, think she’s in love and want you back.
Been getting in touch with my inner self recently.
Couldn’t find any toilet paper at my local supermarket.
Three Rules of Marriage to avoid disaster. 1. Never come home at 4am and ask for breakfast. 2. Never leave the toilet seat up. 3. Wife is never wrong.