Heard on the news this morning that Donald Trump’s library caught fire last night. Apparently over 2,000 coloring books were destroyed.
While your girlfriend is asleep stick a nicotine patch on her arm and then take it off before she wakes up.
That way if you ever break up she’ll get withdrawal symptoms, think she’s in love and want you back.
I’ll never forget my Grandads last words… “Are you sure it’s safe to store 1 tonne of fireworks in the kitchen? “
Can’t believe how crap this no more tears shampoo is. I’ve been feeding it to my kid for the past hour and he still hasn’t stopped crying.
Kid: Wah wah, my toy is broke. Dad: Don’t worry duct tape can fix it. *Puts tape over kids mouth*
I’ve decided to be super lazy today. It’s a lot like normal lazy but i’m also wearing a cape.