I’ll never forget my Grandads last words… “Are you sure it’s safe to store 1 tonne of fireworks in the kitchen? “
Can’t believe how crap this no more tears shampoo is. I’ve been feeding it to my kid for the past hour and he still hasn’t stopped crying.
Kid: Wah wah, my toy is broke. Dad: Don’t worry duct tape can fix it. *Puts tape over kids mouth*
I’ve decided to be super lazy today. It’s a lot like normal lazy but i’m also wearing a cape.
My girlfriend asked me to take her to the zoo yesterday. I told her if they want to collect her they know where she lives.
Been with my wife 25 years today. Having sex with the same person for all that time takes a lot of dedication. I don’t know how she managed it.