Me and my girlfriend decided to start trying the whole long-distance relationship thing yesterday.
The police said I have to stay 100ft away from her and I have to stop calling her my girlfriend.
Sometimes all a man needs from a woman is a nice hug…. around the penis with a vagina.
Q. What do you call an Indian who cares about his health? A. Soshul Distan Singh.
Really struggling to keep my weight down at the moment.
Tried jogging but I keep running into restaurants.
I love Sainsburys. Just found a button on the self-checkout machines that says “cancel payment”. If you press it you can walk out of the store without paying.
What a great supermarket.
The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops. Although, they do make me look a bit gay.