I don’t understand women. They love it when you sweep them off their feet but as soon as you lock them in the back of the van they start freaking out.
Sometimes all a man needs from a woman is a nice hug…. around the penis with a vagina.
Q. What do you call an Indian who cares about his health? A. Soshul Distan Singh.
Really struggling to keep my weight down at the moment.
Tried jogging but I keep running into restaurants.
I love Sainsburys. Just found a button on the self-checkout machines that says “cancel payment”. If you press it you can walk out of the store without paying.
What a great supermarket.
The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops. Although, they do make me look a bit gay.