I’m putting out vodka and potatoes for Santa this year. I heard he lost his job to a Polish guy.
My wife is so selfish when we make love she screams out her own name.
I heard if you drink every day that means your an alcoholic so I now only drink at night.
My wife told me that she wants me to make her feel like a “real woman” so I took my shirt off and said “Here you go, iron this”.
Once you get past a certain age “getting lucky” is the thing that happens when your remember where you put down your keys.
I don’t understand women. They love it when you sweep them off their feet but as soon as you lock them in the back of the van they start freaking out.