I slept like a log last night…. Woke up in a forest covered with ants.
Me and my wife are total opposites. She donates money to the homeless, I donate money to the topless.
Q. What do Islam and sat-navs have in common? A. They both make you smash into buildings if you follow them too closely.
Did you fall from heaven? … Because you remind me of Satan.
I just can’t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently.
English and Klingon.
I enjoy smoking a lot of drugs like marijuana and cigarettes and drinking alcohol but cocaine is where I draw the line.