Did you hear about the art class that was robbed today? The police still haven’t been able to catch the thief but they have 22 sketches of his face.
Just had the following conversation at hospital.
Nurse: What happened to your fingers? Me: You know those chefs who cut vegetables really fast? Nurse: Yes? Me: I can’t do that.
Get more value for money by sitting on top of the bus. Due to the circumference of the Earth you’ll travel an extra 0.0000000000013% further than the people downstairs.
Yo mama is so nasty that when I called her on the phone she gave me an ear infection.
My young daughter asked me this morning.
“Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night, I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream?”
“Nothing darling,” I replied.
It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half shaved head.
My grasp of the English language is so amazing I actually invented a new word the other day, it’s called “plagiarism”.