Just been given a job after the following interview.
Interviewer: Do you have any experience operating heavy machinery? Me: Does your mum count? Interviewer: Ha ha, genius, you’re hired!
Really fed up with my new Thai bride!
She keeps leaving the toilet seat up!
Me: Do you here what scientists are saying? Her: No what. Me: That there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy Uranus.
I just can’t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently.
English and Klingon.
It looks like food banks are just as corrupt as normal banks. I deposited a pack of biscuits at my food bank last week and when I went to collect them today they told me they had gone.
Did you fall from heaven? … Because you remind me of Satan.