Best Short Jokes All Time

Collection of the all time best funny short jokes sorted by user rating.

Text Messages

in Relationship Jokes
+25 -18

The following text messages were exchanged between a boyfriend and girlfriend.

GF: nose
GF: I just typed “nose” with my nose!
BF: penis

Speeding

in General Jokes
+43 -36

Just had the following conversation with a police man after speeding.

Police: Do you know why I pulled you over for speeding?
Me: Is it because it would have been too windy to speak while we were driving?

Mood Ring

in Relationship Jokes
+32 -25

My wife got me a mood ring the other day for me to wear so she can monitor my mood.

When I’m in a good moon the ring turns green, when I’m angry it leaves a big red mark on her forehead.

Dead Hand

in Dirty Jokes
+37 -30

My friend told me masterbating with a dead hand feels a lot better but after trying it I’m now in police custody and my local church has permanently banned me from funerals.

Chickenpox

in General Jokes
+34 -27

Just had the following conversation with my boss.

Me: “Sorry I’m not coming in today. Got chickenpox.”
Boss: “Don’t give me that!”
Me: “I won’t. I’m not coming in.”

Out Of Order

in Dirty Jokes
+33 -26

I desperately needed a massive shit on the train today but the toilet was out of order, so I just sat there and held it for about 20 minutes.

The woman sitting opposite looked at me in disgust and said, “Is that a poo in your hand?”