Q. What do life and a p*nis have in common? A. Women make them both hard.
Why did my wife cross the road? To get back to the first shoe shop we went in three f*cking hours ago.
If God created the Sun on the 4th day, what did he use to count the days before?
A recent survey has found that vegetarians live 9 years longer. Nine boring, horrible, worthless, baconless, meatless years.
Took my mother-in-law out last night. Loving my new sniper rifle.
Is your dad a baker? Because you’ve got some nice buns!