Yo mamas so fat when she went waterskiing someone tried to shoot her with a harpoon.
Got thrown out the cinema today for bringing my own food. I couldn’t resist.. the prices are way too high and also I haven’t had a barbecue in months.
Convert your sofa into a sofa-bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.
The government has recently been heavily criticized for spying on people who are playing on Angry Birds. In their defense people who hate pigs have been involved in a lot of terrorist incidents in recent years.
Getting career advice from someone who works as a careers guidance counselor is like getting fashion advice from a homeless person.
My wife gets really annoyed when I use the word ‘cunt’. I suppose she’s got a point, I really should make the effort to learn her mother’s real name.