Getting career advice from someone who works as a careers guidance counselor is like getting fashion advice from a homeless person.
My wife gets really annoyed when I use the word ‘cunt’. I suppose she’s got a point, I really should make the effort to learn her mother’s real name.
Convert your sofa into a sofa-bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.
I heard a gunshot outside my apartment the other night. Then I saw two guys run past my window. I was gonna call the police, but then I got optimistic and said, ‘hey maybe it’s just a race’.
Just tried to email a picture of my cock today but I got a message saying
“Recipient may not be able to receive files this large”.
It was a nice boost for my confidence.
Do you know if you sit on the toilet at 11:59pm and the clock strikes midnight, it’s the same shit different day ?