Just scared the postman today by going to the door naked.
Not sure what scared him more, my body or the fact that I knew where he lived.
Had a piss in my local swimming pool earlier this morning. Lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I almost fell off the diving board.
Why is it that people who own guns are considered a danger to society but it’s perfectly acceptable for someone to own a meat clever and a human-sized freezer?
I parked my car outside parliament. “Sir, you can’t park here,” said a cop. “This is where our politicians work.” “Don’t worry, I’ve locked it.”
Just been diagnosed with diabetes. I’m beginning to have doubts about Dr Pepper’s medical qualifications.
Just had the following conversation with my wife
Wife: “Give it to me! I’m so f*cking wet! Give it to me now!” Me: You can scream all you want, you’re not having the umbrella.