Just scared the postman today by going to the door naked.
Not sure what scared him more, my body or the fact that I knew where he lived.
Just discovered a new position called ‘9’. It’s just me laying there on my own. I have no sex life.
Had a piss in my local swimming pool earlier this morning. Lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I almost fell off the diving board.
Why is it that people who own guns are considered a danger to society but it’s perfectly acceptable for someone to own a meat clever and a human-sized freezer?
I parked my car outside parliament. “Sir, you can’t park here,” said a cop. “This is where our politicians work.” “Don’t worry, I’ve locked it.”
Just been diagnosed with diabetes. I’m beginning to have doubts about Dr Pepper’s medical qualifications.