Just discovered a new position called ‘9’. It’s just me laying there on my own. I have no sex life.
Started the new ‘wine diet’ last week… It’s amazing! I’ve lost 3 days already!
Just scared the postman today by going to the door naked.
Not sure what scared him more, my body or the fact that I knew where he lived.
6 was afraid of 7 cuz 7 8 9, but why was 10 afraid? Cuz he was in the middle of 9/11
Had a piss in my local swimming pool earlier this morning. Lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I almost fell off the diving board.
Got sentenced in court yesterday for having indecent images on my computer.
The judge said “How does 5-6 years sound?”
I said, “Sexy.”