So much has changed since my girlfriend got pregnant. Like my name, address and telephone number!
I won the lottery last week so decided to get a new home for the homeless guy who lives near my street. It was the box from my new 70″ Plasma TV.
Yo mama is just like a vacuum cleaner. She sucks, she blows and then she gets laid in a closet.
I phoned my work this morning and said, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough.” He said, “You have a wee cough?” I said, “Really? Cheers boss, see you next week!”
My server went down on me today, I love the waitresses at Hooters.
What’s the difference between inlaws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.