What do cats love to eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies
So far this year I’ve had sex a number of times. Unfortunately that number is 0.
Q. What do farts and relationships have in common? A. The harder you have to push the shitier they become.
Went to the dentist today and he told me I had to stop touching myself. I said “What’s that got to do with my teeth?”. He said “Nothing but I just find it really distracting”.
Q. Why do birds always sing in the morning? A. Because they don’t have to go to f*cking work!!
Managed to get a hand job yesterday. I now work for Argos modelling watches.