If a redhead works at a bakery, does that make him a gingerbread-man?
My girlfriend said, “Fancy a bit of phone fun tonight?” I said, “Yeah, definitely. Let’s call your mum and tell her you’ve died.”
Just found out my toaster isn’t waterproof. I was shocked.
Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
I’m no pilot…. But I’ll happily enter your cockpit.
I phoned my work this morning and said, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough.” He said, “You have a wee cough?” I said, “Really? Cheers boss, see you next week!”