A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the M25. Motorists have been asked to be on the lookout for 15 hardened criminals.
Q. What does an airport and a prostitute have in common? A. They both ask you to put your liquids into a little plastic bag.
Like my dad always used to say.
“I’m not your dad”
Can’t believe how much my girlfriend is crying about her new haircut. Its much worse for me, I’m the one who’s gonna have to find a new girlfriend now.
I have a condition that stops me from dieting… I get hungry.
Q. How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb. A. None because they never get the house.