In my previous job I used to take a lot of notes. I got fired after they started checking the cash register.
Just ordered a licence number plate BAA BAA.
Should look cool on my black jeep.
Tried to share a sandwich with a homeless guy today. He said, “F*ck off. Get your own.”
What do you call an epileptic in a bush? Russell.
Q. How do you know if your wife is on drugs?
A. She suddenly becomes a pleasant person.
Why are the Chinese not allowed to play cricket?
Because they eat all the bats.