Can you empty your pockets please I think you’ve stolen my heart.
What’s the difference between an actor and a politician? An actor has better script writers with more believable story-lines.
Putting a pin through all of my best friends condoms seemed like a funny idea at the time. Backfired though after I found out my wife is now pregnant.
Appear 10 years younger by telling everybody you are 10 years older than you actually are.
Found out today that Piranha fish can totally remove the flesh from a child’s body in under 5 minutes. On the downside, I’ve now been fired from my job at the aquarium.
Q. How do you know God has a sense of humor? A. Because he designed mens bodies to become more stiff with age except in the place they need it.