Heard on the radio today that someone in the world crashes their car every 30 seconds. Maybe they should take away his licence.
The following conversation took place at a supermarket.
Man: Hi, I’ve lost my wife, can you talk to me for a few minutes? Sexy Woman: Why? Man: Because every time I talk to beautiful women my wife appears out of nowhere.
Bad things to write in a birthday card.
“Life is pain, misery, suffering and a slow march to death. Happy 5th birthday Katie.”
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic’?
Me and my wife decided to make our own sex film She was really angry when she discovered I was holding auditions for her part.
Just seen at idiot in my local gym putting a bottle of water into the Pringles holder on the treadmill.