Yo mama is so ugly she was hired by a prison to cure sex offenders.
What do you call a man who randomly attacks people with his lower forearm?
A terror wrist.
Today my wife told me that women are better at multitasking than men so I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what.. she couldn’t do either.
Why couldn’t the tissue paper cross the the road? …………it got stuck in the crack.
What if slugs are just divorced snails?
Just had a strange conversation with my wife about getting a home-improvement loan. She offered me $5,000 to move out.