Today my wife told me that women are better at multitasking than men so I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what.. she couldn’t do either.
The worst part about getting fired from my job at the unemployment office was that I still had to show up the next day.
The following conversation took place between a married couple.
Wife: Your c*ck reminds me of a supermarket. Husband: Why? Is it because it’s large and supplies your every need? Wife: No.. it’s because its Lidl
Are you a termite because you look like you would really enjoy a mouth full of wood.
Who cleans up after guide dogs?
Some guy at work today said I was really bad with names.