Heard on the radio today that someone in the world crashes their car every 30 seconds. Maybe they should take away his licence.
Bad things to write in a birthday card.
“Life is pain, misery, suffering and a slow march to death. Happy 5th birthday Katie.”
The following conversation took place at a supermarket.
Man: Hi, I’ve lost my wife, can you talk to me for a few minutes? Sexy Woman: Why? Man: Because every time I talk to beautiful women my wife appears out of nowhere.
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic’?
Me and my wife decided to make our own sex film She was really angry when she discovered I was holding auditions for her part.
Just seen at idiot in my local gym putting a bottle of water into the Pringles holder on the treadmill.