Are you an archaeologist because I have a bone I would like you to inspect.
The best part about getting a blow job is my girlfriend not being able to speak.
Some guy at work today said I was really bad with names.
My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of an 18 year old…
Until she checked the freezer.
If Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber were drowning in a swimming pool, what type of sandwich would you make?
I went to my doctor and he said he had some good news and some bad news. He said the good news was that he got my test results and I had two days to live. Then he said the bad news was that he has been trying to contact me for two days.