Last night a cinema near me was robbed of over £1000.
The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large drinks and a pack of Skittles.
Q. What do women and snowflakes have in common?
A. They’re both beautiful, elegant, unique and deadly on the road.
My penis used to be in the Guinness Book of World Records but now I’m permanently banned from the library.
What do relationships and video games have in common?
They both start off easy, then they get a little harder and then you end up cheating.
If you see a toilet in your dreams never use it.
My wife says for Christmas she wants something that goes from 0-100 in a few of seconds so I got her a weighing scale.