The Best Funny Wife Jokes

I like to make love to my wife with a mirror in the room. I usually put it under her nose to make sure she’s still breathing.

Since my wife left me I’ve been left with a really big gap to fill.. She was quite fat and we had a memory foam mattress.

Today is my 5th Wedding Anniversary and it’s been a total nightmare. On the plus side I’m now no longer scared of terrorism.

The other day my wife asked me to get her face tattooed on my arm. I said “Why? I don’t need to, I’ve already got a boil on my ass that looks just like you”.

My wife and I have decided we don’t want children. If anybody does please send me your email address and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My wife asked me for an iPad the other day for her birthday. I had no idea she enjoys dressing as a pirate. Hope she likes it.